| Reader responses (more recent at the
end): |
Something I would lose if I stopped struggling with my body is . . .
A diversion from real problems
an excuse for all the things that are wrong with me
my reason for not buying a bathing suit
Do you know more now about what sustains your struggle?
my struggle is bull. i just don't know how to find my self worth outside the body. Or i'm afraid that there is no self worth outside the body. Or i'm afraid that i'll fail at finding self worth in another way-- not that i've found much of it this way either. It's ridiculous. I just want to be normal, steady, relatively happy.
Do you have a better idea about what needs to change in your thinking before you can let go of the struggle?
It has to all stop coming back to my body. My son died at birth 19 months ago and so again all things come back to the loss-- and then inevitably to the failure of my body to produce a healthy child. It has to stop. Things of today have to be of today. But it's difficult to break because so much in my life in informed by that loss. I'm not making much
sense.
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Something I would lose if I stopped struggling with my body is . . .
~something to focus on intently
~ feeling bad
~confining myself to certain clothing styles
~feeling conspicuous
~not feeling sexy
~being afraid to run and jump, skip and hop
Do you know more now about what sustains your struggle?
~yes....me
Do you have a better idea about what needs to change in your thinking before you can let go of the struggle?
~I think I always knew, but know is different from doing.
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Something I would lose if I stopped struggling with my body is . . .
the challenge of sticking with something. seeing it to the end
Do you know more now about what sustains your struggle?
my low self thinking of myself. thinking I will fail before I start.
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Something I would lose if I stopped struggling with my body is . . .
the need to change my clothes a million times in a day, the need to think of each food as "good" or "bad"
Do you have a better idea about what needs to change in your thinking before you can let go of the struggle?
i need to realize that i am healthy even though i don't fit into societies measures of "beauty" aka skinny
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Something I would lose if I stopped struggling with my body is . . .
I would lose self hate and the constant worry about what men are thinking about my body.
Do you know more now about what sustains your struggle?
I wish I could just let the worry and the pain go forever. I am getting better but I still struggle with it daily.
Do you have a better idea about what needs to change in your thinking before you can let go of the struggle?
The older I get the less I care about what men think but facing the truth about what men are really like is still painful. I know I have to define who I am and try to rewrite all the negative input I had as a child. I need to learn to be happy with myself without the dream of someone loving me one of these days.
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Something I would lose if I stopped struggling with my body is . . .
My inhibitions, my lack of self confidence, my shyness about my body, the urge to try and cover up, a big weight off my mind.
Do you know more now about what sustains your struggle?
Think it's all in my head!
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Something I would lose if I stopped struggling with my body is . . .
any hope of every being "skinny" or being what society says is "skinny" or "attractive" I would be giving up on that.
On the positive side, I would also lose the feelings of shame I have when I visit my mother and the women in our family...all of whom expect me to be a certain weight and body size.
Do you have a better idea about what needs to change in your thinking before you can let go of the struggle?
I would think that I need to redefine what I think is "attractive."
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Something I would lose if I stopped struggling with my body is . . .
The questioning that happens just before I go into a store, a room full of people, that moment when all doubt and self hatred rushes in..
Do you know more now about what sustains your struggle?
Sure I don't give my self permission to enjoy this day..And I worry more of what someone else says before and after I leave than ME enjoying and being in the now..
Do you have a better idea about what needs to change in your thinking before you can let go of the struggle?
Really come to a point where I know that I deserve the room I take up, the 24 hours a day, that is MINE to live and love as I prefer...
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Something I would lose if I stopped struggling with my body is . . .
My anxiety and stress about my outward appearance. I would be more able to just be me, not to try to figure out how others see me. If I stopped struggling with my body I might also lose my self hating thoughts, and learn to love my body. I might lose my self consciousness about initiating sex, and I might lose my worries about my boyfriend liking my body. With all of these negative things leaving me, I might just lose some weight!!!
Do you know more now about what sustains your struggle?
My need to be perfect, or at least acceptable in the world of magazines and actresses. My self doubt and self loathing, and my lack of confidence in myself.
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Something I would lose if I stopped struggling with my body is . . .
My self image of how I think I should look
wanting to be thin
that is what would make me happy
Do you know more now about what sustains your struggle?
low self esteem
lack of confidence
Do you have a better idea about what needs to change in your thinking before you can let go of
the struggle?
yes but not sure how to go about it or achieve
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Something I would lose if I stopped struggling with my body is . . .
the weight complex that i have developed through out my life even though i am at the average weight for my age. to accept myself for how much i weigh and what i look
like.
Do you know more now about what sustains your struggle?
motivation and being impatient
Do you have a better idea about what needs to change in your thinking before you can let go of the struggle?
attitude and [something] to keep myself out of the weight controlling my eating
habits
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Something I would lose if I stopped struggling with my body is . . .
the idea that my sexuality has to do with my body, and that internally and externally the body is broken by the child abuse i went thru. i would have to face that i am a sexual person even though i am
overweight and that does not change if i lose the weight. i would have to give up the idea that i am not 'male ' if i wear this fat, i am still 'female.' its a complication i have dealt with for a long long time.
Do you know more now about what sustains your struggle?
i have trouble seeing that underneath all these layers is a real woman, not a child, not another 'self', and not anyone
else's idea. this not only make me struggle with overeating, but also keeps me overeating. it destroys my having peace of mind.
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Something I would lose if I stopped struggling with my body is . . .
I would lose all the negativity that is in my life and in my mind. Somehow, my
life's experiences seem to revolve around my negative body image, and this discolors it
immensely! I might actually have a good life without this cancer!
Oh....wouldn't that be nice for a change?
Do you know more now about what sustains your struggle?
Living in a saturated world obsessed with body image. You are bombarded with it everywhere you turn.
You just cannot remove yourself from this, and believe me, I have certainly tried, but to no avail.
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Something I would lose if I stopped struggling with my body is . . .
I take other people's opinion of me to heart. If I stopped struggling, their words and
opinions wouldn't hurt me so much.
Do you know more now about what sustains your struggle?
I've always told myself that people treat me a certain way because of my weight. What if I lose the weight and they still treat me that way? Maybe I'm afraid to face that possibility that all the things I've blamed on my weight aren't really about my weight, but about
who I am. That's scary.
Do you have a better idea about what needs to change in your thinking before you can let go of the struggle?
I need to stop worrying so much about what people think and more about how good I feel about who
I am. I need to concentrate on being the type of person
I should be spiritually, and hopefully that respect will enable the physical respect to follow.
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Something I would lose if I stopped struggling with my body is . . .
the pressure of trying to live up to the image that everyone else expects. I would
like to be thinner, but I need to accept myself as I am before others will accept me. I'd lose the constant
feeling of disappointment that I'm not living up to everyone's expectations.
Do you know more now about what sustains your struggle?
My need for acceptance from those who mean a lot to me - my mom, my friends, men, even employers.
I feel like I won't be accepted or seen for who I am if I don't lose weight.
Do you have a better idea about what needs to change in your thinking before you can let go of the struggle?
In my head I know I need to accept myself and put myself first. I was concerned about
my dog when he started to gain weight and I watched what he ate. It struck me, if I would do that for him, why am I not doing
that for me?!?!?!
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Something I would lose if I stopped struggling with my body is . . .
A reason to get up in the morning. I have put so much energy into trying to lose weight for over 15 years, I really don't know how to put my energy into anything else. I would also have nothing to blame my bad luck on, any time something goes wrong I always tell myself it is because no one has any respect or love for me because of my weight. It is such a large part of my life and takes so much energy. When I think of how my life might be if I put my energy into other more important things in my life. I feel sick. It is a very hard habit to break.
Do you know more now about what sustains your struggle?
Yes, I have always known that my weight is something to hide behind. I have social anxiety disorder also. It still seems though that even knowing why doesn't always help
Do you have a better idea about what needs to change in your thinking before you can let go of the struggle?
I know I have to take responsibility for things that happen in my life and stop hiding behind this "wall" that I have built around my life. It was (is) very important to me to get over my very bad body image before my daughter was born so she wouldn't have to grow up thinking like I do, but now she is 3 years
old. Things have not changed hardly at all. I missed my mark by three years I still have very poor body image and It hurts me badly to think of my little girl going through the harsh struggles over my weight. I honestly think that if I did not start dieting and
obsessing over my weight when I was 15 I wouldn't be over weight now.
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Something I would lose if I stopped struggling with my body is . . .
negative mind items , insecurity, guilt, etc.
Do you know more now about what sustains your struggle?
yes; afraid of liberty since all life lacking self esteem
Do you have a better idea about what needs to change in your thinking before you can let go of the struggle?
attitude, negativism tendencies
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Something I would lose if I stopped struggling with my body is . . .
My sense of insecurity, ineptitude, fear of my body's sexual power. I would lose my great mistrust for my ebbing and flowing desires. I would lose the tremendous anger that comes when my body doesn't cooperate with my whims and desires for it. I would lose some of the love/hate dichotomy I have with myself and my body. I would lose the fear of beauty and the sense of resentment. I would be less object and more human.
Do you know more now about what sustains your struggle?
I think I sustain my struggle with my body for some sense of identity, in some inner need, fear... I struggle because I want to be perfect and whole. I struggle so as not to succumb to the emotional pains and aches within me. I sustain my struggle so that I don't have to take responsibility for my physical power. So, that I am still the victim... so that my heart can be broken. I don't know why... and I know intimately why.
Do you have a better idea about what needs to change in your thinking before you can let go of the struggle?
I suppose so. It is hard to target one thing... or one set of behaviors when this struggle has gone on since I can remember. Since my mother told her 90 lb daughter that she would have big hips and would struggle with that all her life. The messages are baffling and stay with me. How I managed to internalize them and all of this stuff so that twenty years later and only thirty pounds more, I still hear that and fight it... It is a mystery.
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Something I would lose if I stopped struggling with my body is . . .
the idea that i am sick, and therefore in need of pity and support from my
friends
the hope that if i made myself sick enough, my mom would want me to move back home so she could take care of me
attention from boys that is purely based on my waiflike appearance
Do you know more now about what sustains your struggle?
the hope that if i get sick enough, someone will take away all my responsibilities, and take care of me
Do you have a better idea about what needs to change in your thinking before you can let go of the struggle?
i need to accept responsibility for myself, and my necessary job in the adult world. i must realize that no one can take care of me enough to protect me from myself.
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Something I would lose if I stopped struggling with my body is . . .
my self-hatred, feelings of inferiority, unattractiveness, and unworthiness. I would lose the anxiety and guilt I feel
every time I sit down to dinner. I would lose the fear of eating in public, wearing a bathing suit, or letting myself be free.
Do you know more now about what sustains your struggle?
Yes. It's fear, self-loathing, and a lack of self-esteem.
Do you have a better idea about what needs to change in your thinking before you can let go of the struggle?
I need to accept and love myself. Easier said than done, however.
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Something I would lose if I stopped struggling with my body is . . .
having something just for myself.
Do you have a better idea about what needs to change in your thinking before you can let go of the struggle?
I need to believe that I am worthful person without my illness
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Something I would lose if I stopped struggling with my body is . . .
a focus.
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Something I would lose if I stopped struggling with my body is . .
.
fear of freedom, the reason to put off or not accomplish the things i dream about doing, wearing, buying, cooking...i would have no excuse
any more. . if i stopped the struggle, i would be able to look back at my life and smile because of all the life i lived, the people i loved, the fun i had, instead of looking back and saying, wow, i could have done all these things had i not been so overpowered by thoughts and energy WASTED on negative body images!
If i stopped the struggle, i would also have to face saying yes or no to activities which i have avoided dealing with because of not feeling "attractive or thin" enough. |
Something I would lose if I stopped struggling with my body is . .
.
a sense of purpose. A way to spend my time. A lot of tenseness and anxiety. A lot of worry. A sense that i am fighting the good fight and am a good girl.
Do you know more now about what sustains your struggle?
Yes - a feeling that i am doing the right thing and accomplishing something. That i am taking the right adult steps to rein in that wild, unfocused undisciplined
part of me.
Do you have a better idea about what needs to change in your thinking before you can let go
of the struggle?
Yes- To see that i am not all good or all bad. that i can eat healthily and that sometimes i will overeat or eat food that is not good for me but that does not make me a wild animal that should be tamed. And, that i am doing the best i can and that my body is a good wonderful body that really does everything i ask of it and hardly ever gets sick or hurts. |
Something I would lose if I stopped struggling with my body is . . .
my preoccupation with my hips
my procrastination over things I'm going to do when I'm thinner
my confused sense of my sexuality...
Do you have a better idea about what needs to change in your thinking before you can let go
of the struggle?
Absolutely. Live big now!.
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Something I would lose if I stopped struggling with my body is . . .
The excuse to procrastinate doing the schoolwork, personal work, etc. that I'd otherwise be focusing on.
I'd lose the strange feeling of focus and empowerment that comes with every new diet attempt. And I'd lose the feeling of prepping little self-motivations and giving myself a second chance if I fail.
Something of a personal drama there- half of me is playing the parent with the "OK, I believe in myself.. er, really!" talk, and another part is playing the defiant
kid who complains that it's just too hard and gives up.
Do you know more now about what sustains your struggle?
Avoidance! Those convoluted thoughts I described above tend to distract me from any external problems. Well realistically the avoidance only gives me a temporary reprieve from thinking about deadlines,
and things and ultimately adds only more stress, which in turn feeds the desire to avoid things.
Ehh.
Do you have a better idea about what needs to change in your thinking before you can let go
of the struggle?
Maybe I need to let go of my tensions about food for a while. Even if this means a little more weight initially. I was reading somewhere else on this site about keeping the kitchen well-stocked so that
deprivation isn't the major focus. I want to build up my trust in my own ability to stop. Stopping because I wanted to (rather than because I thought I had to or b/c there was no more food left)
would be great..
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Something I would lose if I stopped struggling with my body is . . .
inhibition, self consciousness, fear of relationships, fear of being naked, fear of somebody finding out who i really am inside, fear of failure, my coping mechanism and scapegoat.
Do you have a better idea about what needs to change in your thinking before you can let go
of the struggle?
i must realize that somebody will love me even when i'm not the best little girl in the world. somebody will love me even if i don't wear a size zero. somebody will love me even when i'm not the skinniest girl in the room. somebody will love me because i love myself. nobody wants to love someone who doesn't love herself, and thus nearly incapable of loving another unconditionally.
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Something I would lose if I stopped struggling with my body is . . .
my escape mechanism, my comfort zone
Do you know more now about what sustains your struggle?
my problem lies within trying something new, more healthy. i don't mind trying new external things but i have a hard time trying new things that mean i have to be good to myself.
Do you have a better idea about what needs to change in your thinking before you can let go
of the struggle?
i need to let go of my desire to punish myself, i need to learn to love
myself and to push beyond just little steps at a time to get out of the
unhealthy comfort zone.
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Something I would lose if I stopped
struggling with my body is . . .
I feel I would lose my identity, because I have
anorexia.
Do you know more now about what sustains your struggle?
focus and distraction
Do you have a better idea about what needs to change in your thinking
before you can let go
of the struggle?
That I'm not anorexia, and that I have a name other than anorexic.
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Something I would lose if I stopped
struggling with my body is . . .
The daily obsession with my weight, my body. What would I then focus on?
Do you have a better idea about what needs to change in your thinking
before you can let go
of the struggle?
I need to think about something else.
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Something I would lose if I stopped
struggling with my body is . . .
I think I have stopped struggling with my body--now I feel like I have
to struggle with other people to get them to think about body size like I
do--but it is discouraging when you can't convince them that diets don't
work and the pursuit of a thin body is not what everyone should attempt to
get.
Do you know more now about what sustains your struggle?
My struggle is sustained by my attempt to change society to accept all body
shapes and sizes. Until I can turn on the TV or go to the mall without being
bombarded with unrealistic expectations of womens bodies, I will continue to
struggle.
Do you have a better idea about what needs to change in your thinking
before you can let go
of the struggle?
I have let go of the struggle with my body and have embraced a nondiet
approach--it is hard, though to maintain the "letting go" without constant
vigilance and awareness of the images that you are looking at and stories
(of dieting) that are being told. I feel like to maintain my attitude, I
need as constant of a stream of size acceptance input as the negative input
that is automatically there when you watch TV or even listen to the radio.
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Something I would lose if I stopped
struggling with my body is . . .
fear. The fear that directs and inhibits every single action of my life.
I would love to lose that.
Do you know more now about what sustains your struggle?
Yes. I think it is my own perfectionistic tendencies, coupled with messages
from a culture that worships money (through capitalism) and hence thinness,
since thinness now is a barometer of wealth (being able to afford private
chefs, personal trainers, cosmetic surgery, designer clothes, etc., etc.,
etc.) Living poor on Kraft Dinner with no gym membership doesn't often
result in thinness.Do you have a better idea
about what needs to change in your thinking before you can let go
of the struggle?
I need to surround myself with positive messages. They ARE out there. I need
to read books, look at paintings and artwork that depicts women of all sizes
in a positive light, look up websites, and start deprogramming myself. I
need to fight everyday, and keep it up, because the negative media is
insidious...it creeps in on the television, the radio, through the
newspapers, over the internet. If I do not actively seek the positive
messages I need, the negative ones will seek me, and find me receptive.
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