BodyPositive® Boosting body image at any weight

Forum #5 Responses

Your comments: Your comments on the comments

1. "If I let myself eat anything I want,

I would eat lots of chocolate and a million other things I haven't eaten in a long time
I would never stop eating, as is proven every night after my husband goes to bed
I would eat all day and all candy, and be about 1000 pounds
i will weigh 800 pounds and have to write letters to Richard Simmons to come save me
I'd be fat and unworthy of respect
I'd be fat
I'd get fat
I'd be fat
I'd become obese
I'd be fat as a pig
I'd be fat as a hog
I'd pig out
I'd be huge
I would be as big as a barn
I'd big as big as a house
I'd big as big as a house!
I'd be bigger than a house
I'd be so happy! (but big as a house!) 
I would turn into a huge balloon
I would become so fat that they would feature me on Geraldo
I would first have to increase my stomach size
I would eat everything from the real full-fat ice cream to fruits and soup and chicken and pasta and my stomach would swell until I threw it all up
I get the runs
I would feel like a complete glutton, unworthy of love, sex, friendship and anything nurturing
Much of the time I would feel very disgusting
I'd never stop
I wouldn't be able to move
I would feel guilty for pampering myself and giving into childish cravings
I would die because I would feel so fat and ugly
I would eat what I wanted, when I wanted
I would relax and enjoy my food
I would end up with a plateful of bananas, strawberries, melons, and oranges, with a side of yogurt and a slice of whole wheat toast and jelly.  Oh, and a glass of apple juice.
I would cook oatmeal, fruit, and bagels for breakfast, salads and granola for lunch, and healthy, vegetarian cuisines for dinner. I would be well fed and healthy.
I wouldn't eat as much
That would be fine. It's the stuff I eat that I don't really want that's the problem
I eventually go back to what my body wants.
I would eat more sensibly.
I would really like to enjoy the experience.
It would be great and healthy if I waited until I was hungry and stopped before I got full. It's the "when" that I get hung up on.

back to top

2. "If I could get as much power as I really want,  
I would lose weight and control my life
I'd gain control of my life and be the buffest in the world
I wouldn't have to eat so much. Eating is a source of power. I never thought of it like that before
I wouldn't know what to do with it
I wouldn't know what to do with it
I would not know what to do, unless it was over food. Then I would be thin and fit forever.
I don't know what I'd do with it...power is such a foreign concept
I would need a really good advice on how to use it
I'd probably ask someone else what I should do with it
It would probably be too much for one person
I'd be afraid to use it
I would feel like a bad guy
People would hate me more
I would kill everyone and eat all their donuts
I would be considered a bitch and no one would want to be with me
I'd take a nap
I'd be a bitch
Men would be afraid of me and other women would put me down
I would never have to fear the unknown or uncontrollable situations for I'd always be in charge
I would feel successful and useful, like I matter
I would rule the universe
I could be King
I would fix the world
I could do anything I wanted to
I would own IBM
I would be able to run all day at super fast speeds and maybe even fly once in a while
I would be feared and despised
I'd be stressed
I would be worn out!
I would have everyone accept Jesus into their hearts.
I would increase the frequency of larger women and men in media
I would find a way to make skinny people do community service to fat people
I would make sure that the fashion and entertainment industry change their views on body image.
I would empower the disenfranchised
I would make violence unacceptable
I would realize how empty it was
I would be able to sit in a chair without shrinking back, I would not be afraid to take up space
I'd be a little more exhausted. With power comes responsibility. And I don't need any more responsibilities, thank you
I would make people happy.
I would be heard, understood, strong and much more interesting.

back to top

3. "If I had all the sex I wanted,  
I don't want sex because I feel so bad about my body
Oh, I definitely would eat less. The fact that I'm closeted to my husband and the world definitely adds to my eating problems
I probably wouldn't have sex very often
It wouldn't be much
I wouldn't want anymore
I'd never have it, cause I LOATHE sex. Icky.
i already do but am digusted with my body
I'd wait until I was in love to have sex because I know from experience it's not worth it to do it if you're not sure...
I'd get pregnant
I'd get pregnant
I would feel like a slut
It would probably be too much and not mean anything
I would go sleepless
I'd be exhausted
I would be to tired to go to work everyday
I would be happy!! :)
I would be exhausted but happy
I'd exhaust my partner
I would be feeling great
I'd probably have it 3 or more times a week with my lovely lovely boy
I would be happy, as long as it was good
I could finally stop worrying about *not* having any...
I would learn to be comfortable and respectful of my body and its sexuality
I might be able to become completely tuned into what my body wants
I would be happy
I would be a very happy woman
I'd be glowing like a light bulb
I'd brag to my friends
I would never leave home
Oh wait...I DO get all the sex I want :-)
I would feel loved and cared for by my boyfriend. It for me is an expression of deep love, and I always feel better about myself afterwards. 

back to top

4. "If I really let myself cry,  
I would feel better
I'd feel relieved
I would be relieved
I would be refreshed
I would be overjoyed. I am numb too much of the time
I would weep without shame or apology, for my own emotional health.
I would feel a sense of release that would make it less necessary to eat. Is difficulty crying common? I haven't cried in months and have been actively trying to find things to cry over - my body thirsts for tears
It wouldn't last long
I don't think it would last that long
It would make all the other men really uncomfortable
As I do sometimes.. and people think I am crazy 
I  would make myself a real nuisance to others
I'll be giving them a chance to see me sweat
I do.  But I wouldn't wait until I got to my room or worry that I look like I'm asking for sympathy
I would make sure I was alone so that nobody could see my weakness
I would wonder what the hell is this all about?
I do let myself cry...but when not enough tears come to adequately express my anguish I feel even worse
I probably wouldn't stop
I might never stop
I'd never stop
I wouldn't be able to stop
I would cry for days
I'd drown in my tears
I'm afraid I'd flood the city
I really "let myself cry" all the time... just like any other emotion, it passes
It makes me feel better as if I'd spoken to someone who understands
I feel I am starting fresh emotionally
I would let go of my pain
I might heal
It would release tension and make me feel peace and respect for myself. This also goes with the letting yourself go idea . . letting yourself feel all that you have to feel. I think you should also ask, "If I let myself be grateful,.........or joyful,.........or just plain happy,......negative feelings about our bodies keep us from those positive attitudes and keep us from living and enjoying the real emotions, including crying, laughing, sexual pleasure, etc...

back to top

5. "If I got as mad as I really feel sometimes,  
I think I would become violent.
I would be serving time upstate
I might blow up or say something to someone that I would regret later and have to face up to
It wouldn't be pretty
I would be considered not nice and pleasant 
I might release all of my old anger
I'd be yelling at people all the time
People would dislike me
I would probably lose a few friends
I would have a good time with a boxing bag
I would store it inside me and use it in my work
I would only make my life a lot worse
It would feel good. The times I've allowed myself to show anger have been very therapeutic. I'm not worried about going overboard with it, although if I don't express anger, I take it out on myself physically
I wouldn't carry so much frustration around silently, I would be more patient overall
My eyeballs would pop out
People would be shocked
I'd scare people to death
I'd be fired, have not job and be destitute
No one would ever talk to me again...I would lose a lot of friends
Nobody would like me
Nobody would talk to me
Someone might get hurt
I'd hit the kids
I would beat the hell out of my boyfriend!
I would go postal
there would be a lot of injured people
I'd likely hit somebody ... or somebody's car
I would ram people in traffic
I would be denied access to all local public places
I'd be arrested
They would lock me up for being a danger to society
I would be put in an institution
I'd be on top of a tower with a sniper rifle!
I would smash faces in the ground
I would kill someone
 I would explode into rage and probably destroy someone
Cities would be leveled
I would explode into the farthest reaches of the universe
I would scare some people who are used to seeing me relatively docile
I would hurl heavy glass objects through the sliding glass doors
I do. Trust me, you have not lived until you have slapped someone who just pissed you off
People would know me better and I wouldn't be carrying around my pent-up feelings.

back to top

6. "If I let myself go,  
I would be all alone
can't, I'm too intimidated
I would feel bad and uncontrolled
I would really hate myself
I would feel unattractive and unsexy
What would people say
I wouldn't be able to go out of the house
I might actually start enjoying all that life has to offer
I would be in a tank top and sarong in the hills surrounding Nairobi, me and my four little ones
I'd have given up
I wouldn't respect myself
I wouldn't be pleasing for others and I wouldn't feel good about myself
People would think I'm weird
Nobody would want me
That would be trouble
I would require therapy, control is key unless you are [all-powerful]
My body would follow
I'd be fat 
I'd be so disappointed in myself
I would self destruct in 48 hrs or less
That would just be bad news
I would dance in the grocery store. hehehe
I know I'd probably be happier...just dealing with it and moving on
Ah, if only I could...!
I could relax, cry, eat, exercise, and love. Why do I hold myself back?
I would feel free and hug everyone
I would never look at a mirror again
I'd scare everyone with how happy I am
I'd run away
I'll go to Japan
I don't know if I would come back
I would lose control
I would have to work very hard to fight my feeling of guilt.
I would lose my job, my friends and any social value. 
I'd lose all discipline
I'd be lowering my standards
I am free
I'd be free as a bird
I would be free to say what I wanted to who I wanted.
I would go ahead and seduce that man I have my eye on!
Where would I float to?
I'd be just like I am right now. I guess I'm doing all right. What exactly was the point of this little survey, anyway?
I would be happy
I would swirl off into a sweet cool rain, content just to be
I would hover around what is healthy for me, weight-wise, responsibility-wise, and I would feel free. It's the disparaging, negative picture I paint for myself, that makes me feel bad, that makes me think I must be doing everything "wrong", and should learn to control it. If I were to let myself go, I would be free of all the baggage. Eating would be a non-issue. How much I work-out would be a non-issue, as it would be for fun, not because I am worried about getting or feeling fat.
I would never come back

What do you make of the feelings that our readers are expressing?  Any thoughts or reflections?

back to top

Readers comment on readers comments:

"Man...we're all crazy. I really think we all need to get over this whole "we're bad" thing!"

"I'm not surprised."

"I think that in this day and age, when women are "supposed" to be equal to men, we are still taught to shove our passions down inside ourselves so that we don't show how smart, how bright, how beautiful we are and accidentally overshadow the other sex!"

"Wow, other people feel as bad about their bodies as I do . . "

"I LOVED the one in which Slim People would be made to serve Fat People!"

"Most don't seem very happy, and very insecure. Why be so concerned with what others think of you? Who cares? More important is what do you think of yourself?"

"Women aren't allowed to be who they are or feel free to express themselves! We are taught to bottle everything up inside and everyone thinks we are crazy when we have to be hospitalized for eating disorders and exercise addictions! I am trying to break free of what I've been taught and re learn what it means to live!"

"I'm so sad that all this power and energy is being suppressed and directed toward body and self hatred, when it could be directed positively to help ourselves and our children accept and love who we are for real. I'm assigning this website to my graduate dietetics students as part of their obesity research and treatment class. They just have to understand the concept of non-dieting, health at any size or continue to contribute to the status quo of making people feel "less" because of their size.

"I think the readers are too worried about what other people think. It is sad to say but we are a product of society. Society makes us feel insignificant. Society makes us hate our bodies by pumping us day and night with ideas that aren't true. NOT EVERYONE IS A SIZE 9. Society needs to learn to accept this and get over it. We need to start standing up for ourselves."

back to top

"You know, I struggle with low self-esteem (have most of my life), and struggle with body image and have been diagnosed as dysthymic (mild depression), but some of these responses REALLY depress me! We have really got to do  SOMETHING as a gender to life ourselves and each other! I'm overweight and have been since I was about 9....its a lot to do with what happened to me (I was molested twice) and the barriers I have built up to protect myself, but I want more than anything else to be a better person, to be more self-accepting, and by doing so more accepting of women! let's start focusing on what we have and what we've done and what we are....INSIDE. Not what others think of us, and how they "label" us. Let's label ourselves: WONDERFUL WOMEN!!!! Let's find the joy in life, no matter what we look like physically or where we are career-wise.....or what our circumstances might be. Let's celebrate ourselves in a positive way!"

"So many of the comments seem so sad and self defeating, evidence of low self-esteem. I think it would be better to like ourselves more, so that we can be positive and appreciate the lives we have."

"You know, it is very easy to put the blame on some other person other than ourselves. The truth is we have been taught the ideals of what a woman should look like, be like or talk like. Another truth is also that we retain the power to decide which of this ideals make us feel good and vice versa. For instance, I don't ever want to be fat because I will not feel good about myself, so what do I do? I take responsibility and I certainly watch what I eat. You may call it conforming to society's expectation, but I call it feeling good about me. On the other hand, I think having power can be positive both for men and for women, so regardless of what society preaches, I am going to work, go to school, polish my leadership skills, scream and do whatever it takes to ensure that I get me some power. Just like I said, you can call me the 'B' word in the end just because I am a woman but I call it doing what I gotta do to feel good about me. After all, according to the laws of natural selection, "survival is for the fittest" regardless of gender. Women, we need to be BOLD!!!"

"Maintaining self control is one of the most important skills anyone can learn. Unfortunately, for the last thirty years or so, we've been living in a culture that keeps telling people that they not only have a right, they have an obligation to do whatever they want whenever they want and damn the consequences. And what have the consequences been? A society filled with sexually transmitted diseases, broken families, unparented children, rudeness and hostility, unprecedented personal debt, and epidemic obesity. The "size acceptance" movement is a part of this trend because, at bottom, it tells people to do whatever they want (in this case, to eat as much as one wants) and ignore the consequences (ugliness, ill health, and the scorn of others)."

back to top

"I was saddened to read the above comment where someone interpreted the fat acceptance movement as encouraging a lack of self control and eating as much as one wants. After years of restricting my diet, vomiting, and abusing laxatives, I am learning to eat again and I am amazed at the amount of food that a person needs to eat in order to be healthy. I am eating more and losing weight! I had a lot more self control earlier in my life, but this was directed in a way that was damaging to my body. Self control can be positive as the above mentioned has suggested, but it can also be damaging depending on the way it is directed -- the people I have known who suffer from anorexia have been the most self controlled people I have known in my life."

All this concern about 'letting yourself go' is kind of baffling to me--and yet I live it and put in a fairly typical answer: I'll 'end up alone.' But I don't really believe that at all any more. Over the past few months I've realized that trying to buy a life fosters dependency, insecurity and--worst of all--indifference and apathy. I realized that I am alone, and living like this--trying to improve myself with this or that diet or other product--is narcissistic and alienating. If you look at that way, "letting yourself go" is actually the first step toward connecting with others."

"I think the majority of the responses reflect an unhappiness with self. I find that really sad."

"What have our bodies done to make us harbor such disgust and hatred? I/we do nothing but berate our bodies, we are really very cruel. I can't believe all of the things my body enables me to do and I take it all for granted. It seems that all of the amazing things going on under our skin that keep us living should be plenty reason for us to appreciate our body no matter what it looks like. Look at all it does for us. And in return we are disgusted by it. It really makes me sick. The sad thing is that we actually CAN do all those things above, our bodies are totally amazing. Watch the Discover channel sometime when they are talking about the human body/mind. It really is amazing."

back to top

"It is truly depressing that all of us BBW's are not "allowed" to feel normal about who we are because of our size. I have been fighting acceptance of myself and by others for years. It is time we came to the conclusion that we are a positive part of society and stop beating ourselves up because we don't fit what "thin" people believe we should be. Thank you for this wonderful site, it has been very helpful to me to find there are other BBW's out there who feel the same way I do."

"What we think about all day long is very powerful. Our thoughts create our lives. So being very careful and mindful about what we think can help to change who we are as well as change the world. Life is Love and we are all one.
Weight is a marketing issue in this society."

"Trying to buy your own life and the currency - opinions of disenchanted others."

"In scanning a few of the comments I can't help but be sad. I feel it and most of the comments reflect that weight, our bodies, and our perception of our bodies are keeping some truly WONDERFUL, CARING, ENERGETIC, DYNAMIC, CREATIVE, POWERFUL people from achieving and being productive. I also feel compelled to pray for all of us -- pray for a cleansing of sorts.  Thank you for all for your comments. . .I feel different.."

"We're all trapped!!!!"

back to top

"It seems that we place ourselves in our own prisons and throw away the key, all the while just waiting for someone else to let us out. It makes me realize that we need to enjoy life more and worry less. Ah, but that is the mission... how do we accomplish this?"

"Before adding my own thoughts, I read through others. I had a small, knowing grin on my face, as I related to almost all responses - positive and negative. What I see is that we ALL know what we SHOULD do, how ideas COULD or WOULD help, but DOING them is so so difficult. But really, look at these questions; are these things REALLY too difficult? Are the truly THAT far out of reach? No! Not at all. Not at all. Start now. Start somewhere."

"Yeah, i've got come all the "positive body image" scenarios, magazines etc. are directed at plus sized women? if it REALLY is important for people to love and accept themselves and others, isn't it being a little hypocritical to negate extremely slender people? speaking for myself, i am 5 foot 5 and weigh 93 pounds. i eat 5 or 6 meals a day, exercise and love to bake and cook. and i find it just as hard (actually harder) to find clothes that fit me and people who are tolerant of my "natural size". i embrace and enjoy who i am and i don't think ANYONE has a right to make decisions about me and my lifestyle based on THEIR perception of my appearance. it is no less wrong to make assumptions or remarks toward/about skinny people...believe me, i put up with just as much crap about my appearance as the next person. i suggest that it is time for people to REALLY embrace the idea of "not being a size 6"; by realizing that that can mean being a size 2 or a size 22. no!one should be made to feel ashamed in her own skin."

"I found out what would happen if I cried as hard as I needed to when my (now ex) husband left me. I thought I would never stop, but I did. That was a good thing to learn."

"I agree with the woman who said these body positive sites shouldn't only be directed at heavy women.
I didn't really like the, "Slim women would do community service for fat women." It may have been a joke, but skinny people have feelings, too."

"Why doesn't everyone just get over this bizarre obsession with body weight. It doesn't matter what other people think of you. You only live once so enjoy the time you are here. Run riot!"

back to top


This is a Health at Any Size site.
  Previous 5 Sites | Previous | Next | Next 5 Sites | Random Site | List Sites  

The Body Positive Dancer

Body Positive: Change Your Mind, Change Your Culture, and Let Your Body Be

WWW.BODYPOSITIVE.COM is designed for educational purposes, and is not a substitute for professional medical or psychological care.  Email sent to this site asking for personal advice is discouraged.  If you require medical or psychological services please consult a qualified professional in your area.  Local psychotherapy inquiries may be made through Dr. Burgard's office phone only (650-321-2606).

Copyright 1999-2011 Debora Burgard, Ph.D.   Please do not use without notice or attribution.  This website is privately and individually supported by Dr. Burgard.  We do not accept advertising at this time. Products, projects, and services are mentioned on the BP site because of their relevance to the mission of the site.  "Body Positive" is a registered trademark.
Privacy policy: does not collect names and addresses.  If you provide your email address to  to subscribe to the email list, the Body Positive site also has access to it.  We do not sell or release the email list. Please read's privacy policy for information on how they may use your email information.  Please remember that the email you write to Body Positive and the responses to forums are not encrypted.  Please do not send email requesting personal advice.  Responses to forums are considered public, equivalent to "Letters to the Editor," and will be considered publishable.

For problems or questions regarding this web contact Dr. Burgard at 650-321-2606 or bpositive at spamex dot com
Last updated: March 05, 2011.