When you finally stop dieting, what happens next?
Many people find that they go through a stage of
"reactive eating." You might find yourself wrestling with
the aftermath of all those times you learned (from the process of dieting
itself) to ignore your body cues. The foods you eat may be the very
foods forbidden to you on the diet, whether you are really hungry for them
or not. You might feel out of control but defiant, and then you
might panic and consider going back on another diet!
When we are kids, we have to comply with the authority
figures' demands. When we are teens, many of us try to prove to
ourselves that we are not being controlled by those authority figures by
doing the opposite of those demands. But in truth, we are
still controlled by those demands because we are doing the exact opposite
rather than what we really might want to do independently. And that is
the goal of adulthood, to not be driven one way or the other by those
outside forces.
What does this have to do with food?
Dieting sets up a psychological state of
childhood. Listen to women talking about how they were
"good" all day until they were "bad" because they
ate a "forbidden" food. In order to diet
successfully, we believe that we have to comply with an outside
"expert's" idea of how we should eat: "Eat this food,
in this amount, at this time." This is obedience, compliance,
going with the program, whatever you want to label it.
Sooner or later, for most people, the diet falls
apart. And for many of us, rather than reverting back to the
pre-diet way of eating what we want, when we're hungry, we go through a
state of psychological adolescence or teenhood. Now, that diet gets
turned on its head! If grapefruit was a diet food, we scorn
it. If ice cream was forbidden, it suddenly seems like the most
compelling food on earth.
We may also eat past the point of fullness, not just for
physiological reasons (because there are those too) but for the
psychological reason that we have been too hungry on the diet and we are
trying to prove to ourselves that we won't go hungry again.
If you are experiencing "dieting detox," try
to have some compassion for yourself. The good news is that for most
people, this, too, shall pass. The part of you that has felt its
needs were ignored on the diet has to be reassured that you will not keep
ignoring your needs. When you no longer have anything to prove, it
is easier to hear your body again.
Many of us have found that trying to listen and respond
to our bodies' cues is one of the best ways to re-establish that
trust. Try using the exercise, "Every
Body Part Gets a Vote," to check in with not just your tongue
(but to give your tongue a vote too!).
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Does any of this sound familiar to
you? Have you seen yourself as "good" and
"bad"? How do know you have finally grown up around food?
Here's the archive of
what readers have said
over the years:
"I'm not sure that these issues are every really solved for me to the point where I never have to think about them again.
But something interesting has happened recently. I have been (since I was pregnant and then dealing with my son's death at birth) just plain old listening to my body. I refuse to "eat right" however someone else defines that FOR me. Being pregnant taught me how very powerful my body is. So I began to give myself the freedom to do as I please.
For months this meant eating ice cream every single day. This was very scary. And when anyone in my family would hint that maybe we shouldn't buy ice cream anymore, I would simply buy more ice cream. This was scary.
But it has leveled off here 19 months later. I find that when friends talk about "losing weight" and the "new program" they are on, something in me jumps and says "oh no, what is that thing, maybe we should be doing that coz it's working for her." But then it's like a grown version of me steps in and says to that jumping voice that we are doing what's working. We don't need to be
violent toward our body to change anything because I am fine as is.
I still love ice cream-- can you imagine that I didn't get completely sick of it?! But I don't need it for dinner every night anymore. I can have dinner. And if at some point in any given day, I find that I'm hungry for ice cream, then I get some.
FINALLY, I'm beginning to TRUST myself. But I say that it isn't "solved" because there is still the initial "jump voice" in me that says maybe we should do what all our family and friends are doing in their "diets." But my grown self comes forward a lot more quickly now than She ever has before. And the "jump voice" trusts Her to take care of us.
And it's all a part of the whole ME!"
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"Today I am craving tuna fish. To me, this is a sign of how much I have grown up--although I definitely have a ways to go. I really identify with that defiant, "teenage" state--I can't count how many times I have binged on ice cream, cake, cookies, when these foods weren't what I really wanted. I am currently working on a program to use food to help regulate my moods and energy. The stage I am at now is that I eat whatever I want, but I am "supposed" to eat it as part of a meal. Last week I found myself stuffing in cake, cookies and muffins after each "meal," because those were the only times I would be "allowed" to have these foods--having a snack later would not be "allowed." It took me a couple of days to realize I wasn't even hungry when I did this. This isn't supposed to be a "diet" but it's really hard to lose that diet mentality.
So today, I feel like a grown up -- I don't "have" to eat tuna fish because it is a healthy food, nor do I "have" to eat sweets because they are forbidden--I can eat what my body wants, because my body wants it. For today, anyway!"
: )
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"I was put on my first diet at age 8 by my pediatrician. When I was 34, it finally hit me, I had been dieting for 26 years and was still fat. In fact, I was fatter than I'd ever been. That was when I finally realized that I had to stop the cycle of lose weight, gain it back PLUS 15. I had gained back the weight
I had lost on my latest diet and was heading further up the scale and I was scared. My therapist asked me, "What weight do you feel would make you feel good about yourself?" My mind went blank. I thought about it for a long while. My honest answer was, "I wouldn't care if I lose another pound, if I could just feel good about myself."
I did a lot of soul searching. That's when it hit me, losing weight was NEVER going to help me gain self-esteem. Maybe it wasn't necessary to lose weight to feel good about myself.
I read a wonderful book called, "Overcoming Overeating" and actively followed the steps outlined in the book. It was
scary at first, My husband thought I had lost my mind. Suddenly our once bare cabinets were full of chips, cookies, and forbidden snacks of every kind. Then, the most amazing thing started to happen. I started learning how to feed my body what it wanted when it wanted it. I didn't gorge myself anymore. I left food on the plate secure in the knowledge that if I was hungry and hour later, I would eat. I started paying attention to my body, to what it really wanted to eat. I started appreciating my body and yes, even loving every great big inch of
it
My family's eating habits started to change too. For years I never kept snack food in the house believing the old diet adage that if you have to go get it, you're less likely to eat it. HA! I would just eat more!
After all, I went to all the trouble to go get it. I would eat way beyond the point of satisfaction. Now, we have foods we enjoy on hand all the time. Everyone in the family has changed there attitude about food. We used to eat a box of cookies in one night. Now, I wind up throwing cookies and chips away because they go stale before we can eat them.
Quitting dieting has been the best gift that I ever gave to myself. I live now. I buy clothes, get my hair and nails done, all the things that I said I'd do once I lost weight. I feel great! I get lots of compliments. Sure sometimes that old, "wish I would have discovered this BEFORE I got so big", attitude starts to creep in. What I've learned though is that it's never really about my size. My size has become my scapegoat for my insecurities. You know the drill, "If I wasn't so fat, he would treat me better." "If I wasn't so fat, my friends would call more." etc...etc... It's not worth it. I deserve more."
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"I identify with the Diet Detox. It took what I believed to be a long time to get through it. There were time I thought I would grow to unbelievable proportions. After being on the diet yo-yo for most of my life, I guess I shouldn't complain about 2 or 3 years.
Now, I make changes in my diet or exercise to be healthy. My changes are very small, and have paid off. It is wonderful to not feel guilty over a very special meal, or my own slice of birthday cake.
Even my family has learned to accept me as I am, and are surprised that my weight has actually come down without their watchful eyes and continual warnings. This retraining was perhaps the most difficult in the process, but good for our adult relationship."
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When I was in school I was a very athletic person and a dancer for most of my teenage years. Once leaving school and starting to live in the big wide world all the pressures and stress of adult life took over, that together with having no time to exercise has taken over my life. I had had to endure many hardships from
losing my brother and my own child to coping with alcoholism that someone in my family has. I have always taken comfort in food as that has been the only thing in my life that I have felt I can rely on. I have always know that I have had an eating problem, but never realised that over 15% of people suffered from. I had been
bulimic and recovered from that only to go the opposite way and started binge eating. I have never been in control of my life and have never been allowed to talk with anyone in my family about the things that have happened to me. I have never spoken to anyone about my problems and
don't know how to yet, for over 6 years I have kept my feelings bottled up, having no one that I can rely on or trust. I have
traveled the world over to try and escape and run away from these feelings, but nothing has helped. I stumbled upon a news article that got me thinking and through surfing the internet have found this site. For the first time in 6 years I can say that things are eventually starting to look up. It is such a relief to find this site so that now I can start looking to the positive and start to improve on my life. I hope that
every time I feel the need to take comfort in food, that I can remember the words I have read here today. They have helped me today - I hope that they can help me in the future as well. Thank You!
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I'm in a constant struggle with food. I have unconsciously and consciously labeled foods as "good" or "bad" and myself as a "good" or "bad" girl based on my eating choices. I still haven't grown up around food.
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i actually haven't been through that yet, i'm in it... i suffer from anorexia and i don't know what my body wants, how much i should eat and i don't understand how i can do to eat and not get fat...
thanks for all
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I know that I have finally grown up around food when my day does not center around food. When I am busy doing what I like to do such as sewing, quilting, reading, painting, visiting with family and friends. When food is not my friend, and my body is my friend.
A revelation this is to me because I eat for every emotion whether sad or happy and on and on. Food was comforting me because of so many reasons. One thing that is a revelation to me is that my body is really my friend. It has not betrayed me, I have betrayed my body.
It's time to let go of the past and begin a new journey. One I know is not perfect. However, being kinder, gentler, and loving my body just as it is truly a gift from God leading to this website. I thank you very much. I believe things happen for a reason. Even giving up thinking about food I find very difficult. It has taken the place of love, family, friends, drinking, smoking, dancing, and so many other things in life. I truly believe once I can give up this cycle, I am on my way to a healthier life. Thank you for letting me share with all of you.
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What a fantastic place this is! I have read what has been posted, and I couldn't agree more. There is a part of me (very wise) that comes to my defense every time i try a new "program" or decide that my image in the mirror or the way my pants fit is "bad", "gross", well you all know the drill. I feel she defends me, stands up for me and will even be there if ever i am thinner, which may or may not happen. I have also read and tried to "do" the Overcoming Overeating ideas. I truly believe in it, but get so much flak from my family, that it becomes difficult. I feel i have finally grown up in some ways around food, when i "lecture" my personal trainer at the gym about diets, look at her in alarm when she says that in order to "eat whatever she wants for dinner, she runs ten miles." Sounds like a good way to make you hate exercise if you are using it to punish yourself for simply eating a #$%&ing
meal!!! I mean what kind of society is it where women can get down on
themselves for licking the knife after making their kid a peanutbutter and jelly sandwich, much less eat one herself!
Enough ranting for today.
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I completely identify with this Web
site, but especially with this section. I'm still growing up, I realize.
Having just spent Thanksgiving around my mother, who put me on my first
diet when I was 5, I found myself gorging on "forbidden" foods in an act
of defiance. I was testing her, waiting for the same reaction I've always
gotten -- "You shouldn't eat that. You don't need it." Well, I got it. And
it made me realize that I AM in control of what I eat. She no longer has a
say, and her opinion doesn't matter. And it's time I start eating heathy
foods, not to lose weight necessarily, but to feel the energy those kinds
of foods give me. I'm learning to trust myself, to not have anxiety every
time a meal comes up and a decision must be made -- "good" or "bad". It
takes time, but I'm getting there.
Thank you for this site! It's a dream come true.
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Personally, I like the notion of
understanding what you body needs and when it needs it. I think it is more
important to understand how to eat healthy and then to make healthful
decisions when you are prompted by the urges of your body. Understanding
how to choose foods for their nutritional value and to eat in a reasonable
and balanced manner is far more important than slavish adherence to any
fad diet. For example, when I work a very strenuous strength training
workout I seem to crave meat. I do not know for sure that this is my
body's desire for protein, but I will usually eat a small piece of turkey
or ham lunch meat to satisfy that craving.
I have never been obese, but I have for too long been unhappy with my
body. I am foolishly striving for perfect, muscular bod that is presented
in so many different ads targeted at the gay community. It is sort of sad
that we have such rampant body fascism that straight men don't have to
deal with. I will still eat my ice cream when I have that craving -
usually on Sunday night. However, I eat a very small portion and put the
pint away. Understanding that I don't need to eat the whole thing to
satisfy the craving has been a real turn around. Now "good" and "bad" are
simply recognizing when I have deviated too far from my middle ground of
healthful eating and I should avoid the extremes.
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I have been diet-free and treated for
bulimia for almost one year, versus the 10 yrs.+ I spent dieting. I still
am trying to figure out exactly what foods I really like, and all the
foods I thought I loved simply because they were forbidden or "bad". It
occurred to me soon after I began therapy, and was gorging on different
things as a reaction to years of deprivation, that it occurred to me, "Do
I even like the taste of this stuff?"
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Yes!! The responses are so
wonderful.. I'm relieved to hear there are other women feeling like me. My
start of listening to my body's real hunger started when I was 20 and
attended a seminar called "Fit and Fat" and learned a lot about fat
acceptance. I still struggled, though.
Then, as an odd turn of events, I started developing acid reflux. Nearly
everything I ate, especially when I stuffed myself, started making me
sick. I learned quickly that although my doctor said losing weight would
help control it, that stopping eating when I'm "full" and not "stuffed"
makes a huge difference. I eat what I crave and only until I'm tired of
it.. which is usually not much.
I've maintained a size 22 for years now, and honestly believe I'm the
happiest and most fulfilled I've ever been.
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I've stopped my 20 year diet two
years ago. I replaced it with eating anything I enjoyed. I have not gained
a pound since. Fantastic indeed. I guess the end of yo yo dieting did
prove to be beneficial somehow. The more I ate what I truly wanted the
more the overeating stabilized. But was I eating what I wanted or what the
world did not want me to eat! The rebel inside is busier fighting society
than it is taking care of my health. If I need to stand up in defense of
our bodies, I should also state what I believe in and not only the fact
that I disagree with society's distorted body image! And if I do enjoy a
thinner healthier body just as society does, that is ok too. The
difference is I do not want to be obsessed by it all. I believe my value
is placed on my whole being, not just by my appearance. And that is
probably the only point I disagree on.
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This sounds far too familiar to me,
and I'm only 21 years old. After a few years of screwy eating habits and
constant dieting, I have begun to rebel against myself. I have realized
that I am "allowed" everything I want to eat, and that having permission
to eat makes food much less compelling.
I have gotten to the point where I realize that I don't want to be one of
those women who dies never having been happy or comfortable in her own
skin. I refuse to live life wishing I had been born with a different body.
This is difficult for someone my age, as we are surrounded by images of
young women that set an unrealistic and unhealthy standard.
I am reasserting my right to eat what I want, and to love myself and my
body.
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I have been overweight ALL of my
life. If I tried to count the number of diets I've been on, I'd probably
pass out, or add up the amount of money I've spent over & over again, in
search of the "Perfect" answer to all my weight problems.
I'm beginning to feel that I truly have to begin to learn to love myself
just as I am today. Yes... I've been down that road that "If only I were
thinner, my life would be better, or complete", etc..... But in all the
years I've been trying to lose weight, I've lost precious time that I
could have used to get to know & love myself better.
I'm a constant people pleaser. I've always felt the need to do or say what
ever anyone else wanted just to keep them happy, all the while forgetting
about myself. If it made my "friend" happy to eat ten tons of things I
shouldn't just to please her, I would. Especially the "Bad" foods that
aren't allowed when you diet.
I really do feel we ALL need to be more positive!! The world can be a very
negative place, but we have to rise above. This is the day that the Lord
has made. We will rejoice & be glad in it!!
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Were you thinking of me when you
wrote this? I have been battling coming off every single diet I have been
on for quite some time. I was one of the many that did the protein diet
and when I felt sick of it I became a vegan and then I couldn't handle it
so I stopped eating carbs and just ate fruits and veggies...Going back to
a normal eating routine is hard because I want to sit down with a big bowl
of ice cream and let myself just indulge...It is so hard to get the brain
back into the "normal" mode. This has helped me so much. Thank you.
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When I was a child my parents
(especially my dad, not so much mum) were always defining foods as "good"
and "bad" and made me feel bad about my body for being upper-normal weight
and an early developer.
During my teens I binged and put on a lot of weight just to show my dad I
didn't care about his stupid body fascism. But it was me that was being a
bit stupid, I wasn't eating out of hunger or appetite but just to have a
go at my dad.
I am now armed with healthy attitudes about my size, shape and eating
habits, so I can defend myself against any criticism from my dad and
maintain my self-esteem. Except nowadays, he wouldn't dare to put me down.
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I knew I had finally grown up around
food when I discovered my power of choice and the power that had on my
body. My goal now is to choose what I want to eat and eat it. Food isn't
good or bad any more, it's just food. I do, however, think about how the
food will affect me. Personally, I don't eat meat. Not for activist
reasons, but because it doesn't feel good in my body. Would it taste good?
Probably, but the after affect on my total system is not worth it. It's a
choice not a requirement. If I want cake, I have cake. I choose it and
don't let it control me. If I don't choose to eat cake, it's not because
cake is bad but because I don't choose to eat it. This power of food
choice has revolutionize the way I look at food.
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I'm not really a "good" and "bad"
food person, but I've spent about the last 5 years thinking "if only I
could lose 10 lbs" and it's because of the clothes in my wardrobe that
don't fit. The reason they don't fit is that my hips and thighs are 2
sizes bigger than my bust and waist.
I am only now starting to accept that the clothes are the problem, not me,
and I should take them down to the second-hand shop. The truth is, if I
ever did manage to lose 10 lbs (unlikely, as I can't stay on a diet for
more than 2 days) or even 20 lbs, my hips would still be 2 sizes bigger
than the rest of me. It's just my basic shape and I'll just have to learn
to like it (and stock up on flared skirts and drawstring trousers - or if
I want any other style, make it myself).
How many other people feel bad about their bodies just because the fashion
industry only caters for people of certain proportions?
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This sounds very familiar, I too have that
problem of my hips being 2 sizes larger than my
waist, in order to find pants that fit my hips, they are always
too big in the waist... I am
constantly doing the dieting thing and always rewarding my "good" behavior
with little treats like ice cream or candy. It is hard to break the
habit, I try to practice, everything in
moderation but that doesn't always work! I think
ultimately I do see myself as good, I just have
my "bad" days and I don't know if I will ever be able to break out of the
dieting mentality.
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well, im struggling to lose weight so i can
get my army rotc scholarship, and
it's been weighing on me (pardon the pun not intended). its frustrating
and
each time i take a bite of food i get the urge to not even bother eating.
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SOOOOOOO familiar.
Last year when I really started coming out of severe
anorexia, my body went mad. I would eat until I could no longer
move. I was still thinking about food 24 hours a
day, only it became that I thought about how I
could get more, what I could eat next, rather than how I could possibly
avoid it. I'd hide in the bathrooms at work and gorge myself in my
depression, thinking of how I could end it all.
I thought I was going to be stuck in that hell
forever, and I don't know when food suddenly
stopped being the ONLY thing on my mind, and it
certainly wasn't easy - seeing a psychiatrist really did help -
even if only in that I started getting the rest of my life
going somewhere, and the effects of that
flowed on . As Buddism says, everything arises and ceases. I
thought I was going to cease before the overeating did. I do still
occasionally do it, but I know that I make
choices now of the sorts of foods that I enjoy,
and because they are healthful for me, rather than judging on the 0 fat
grams content. And I now enjoy food, I look
forward to it, but it is not the ONLY part of my
life. Please, if you have major self esteem issues, or anything you can't
deal with alone, speak to someone. Don't wait until you feel like
wiping yourself off the face of the planet just
to end the pain. Thank you so much for a
great site.
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